


Words She'll Never Say

by joufancyhuh



Series: The Heavens Will Fall [6]
Category: Mass Effect Trilogy
Genre: F/M, Remember that time that I tried fluff and failed?, or tried surprise confessions?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-04
Updated: 2018-12-04
Packaged: 2019-09-07 12:58:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 693
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16854394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/joufancyhuh/pseuds/joufancyhuh
Summary: She'll never admit how much he means to her, no way.





	Words She'll Never Say

**Author's Note:**

  * For [AlyssAlenko](https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlyssAlenko/gifts).



> More posting from tumblr.

She doesn’t tell him.

In perfect honesty, she doesn’t tell herself, either. It’s not until her eyes catch that dumb grin of his, all self assured and cocky behind his Canadian lager that he brings between his lips, tipping it back, gaze drawn to his adam’s apple as he chugs; it’s here that she thinks to herself that she’s never hated anyone more, but even then she knows it’s not hate, not exactly. And she wants to ram the table into his chest and make her escape into the Keeper tunnels, away from civilization and responsibility and _feelings_ , because _fuck_ , that certainly complicates everything.

Not that it wasn’t already, with the war brewing outside this shell of a safety shield. Her ship and her crew thrust into the thick of danger, and oh yeah, now there’s him. Sanity check her ass. If anything, she loses any semblance of sanity in his presence, and right on cue, insert feelings she thought she threw out an airlock after Horizon.

And he’s acting so self-assured that she’ll say yes to him, so confident in his delivery of making things real between them. Screw that and screw him ( _Already did that, remember? Locked bathroom doors on the SR-1, the crates down in the cargo bay, the elevators-oh, the sounds this man makes and the snap of his biotics along her-ok, stop thinking about that. It’s not helping_ )

Instead, she mumbles something about needing time to consider his proposal, but she can’t bring herself to leave, her legs jelly under the table. And damn him, he brings her hand to his cheek and kisses the palm, the warmth of his lips spreading like thick molasses into the rest of her body like a disease, an infectious, Canadian biotic with perfect stupid hair and a smile that shines brighter than the artificial sun on this false planet, that disease.

He pretends to understand what she’s going through, telling her to take all the time she needs, that he loves her ( _Love, how trivial, how juvenile, how frustrating_ ).

So she doesn’t tell him.

And he doesn’t pry, not even when they wind up in bed together, not for the first time and certainly not the last. But he promises his undying devotion to her ( _love, what a joke, save the dramatics_ ) and she reminds him it’s just sex. And he does that dumb grin of his and she hates him for it, the uncertainty he raises in her, the confident armor he shakes loose with a single action. _Fuck that and fuck him_ -and she does, the floor, up against the fishtank, the stairs, the couch, the shower, his name a constant word on her tongue, lost between shaky gasps and unmuffled moans as he-

She knows she’s lying when she sees him strap up for their mission back to Earth, the worry seeded in her gut as she appraises his armor for any weak points. The crew, her team, they’re all looking at her but all she can do is stare at him in horror, her credence shaken by this simple action, one she saw happen time and again.

But this rubs her as different, a definitive last action. And the words raw on her tongue, bleeding from unuse, from the hypocrisy she spouts. She jumps off her crate, ignoring the confused expressions of the crew as she races to him, into his arms that await because he knows, he always knows. She swallows bile with pride while her mind sorts out these complications, how to rely the emotions to her brain in a strong enough signal to make it down to her mouth.

He waits, patient, understanding. And when she doesn’t speak, his stupid grin spans his face, a thin mask for the worry he pretends for her sake not to emote. “I know, Shepard,” he says, perfect human being he is. ( _What an asshole._ )

She drags him into a heavy kiss by the collar of his armor. Not goodbye, but something else, tangible and real enough to scare her, more than Reapers, more than the next of the situation.

“I love you, Kaidan. Stay safe out there.”


End file.
